By Al Mills
In an episode of the TV show Friends, the gang is discussing another hit TV show; Three’s Company. The friends are discussing a particular episode when Chandler (Matthew Perry), injects his usual sarcasm and asks “is that the one where there’s a misunderstanding of some sort?”
As we all know, or at least anyone who is old enough, Three’s Company built an entire series on misunderstandings, silly assumptions, and innuendo. Plenty of people loved the show and the characters were ones that were genuinely likeable. If you watched the show, how many times did you think to yourself “if Jack just told Mr. Furley what really happened the whole situation would be resolved.”? That simple solution is actually part of the charm of the show or any circumstance in which tension and conflict is created and at the same time, resolved by a simple statement or enlightening conversation. In essence, we think to ourselves and scream to the TV “just speak up!!!”
How many times at work have you been in circumstances in which you really needed to speak up but didn’t? Oh, sure, maybe sometimes it was a funny situation, but we’ve all had those moments in meetings in which we were afraid to speak up for fear of the consequences or reactions. We know this happens all the time, it’s part of life and working with other human beings. But let’s ask a couple of questions that come up when we hold it in. Did the organization get the best from you when you held back? Was it good for you? Was it good for the culture at work? Did it provide an opportunity for best results? The resounding answer to all of these questions is no, definitely not! Keeping your thoughts off the table is not helpful for anyone.
The ability to get it on the table takes a little courage, a lot of practice, and good set up. This hearkens back to Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team. The first two dysfunctions are a lack of trust and an absence of conflict. We’ve talked in the past about trust and conflict, so let’s assume that we have both of these issues in a fairly healthy context. Even in a healthy environment it takes some courage to speak up and bring contrary opinions to meetings and personal interactions.
We live in a world where interpersonal relationships are complicated. We fear offense, misinterpret comments, and often, when a story is open to misinterpretation, we choose the worst possible option as the truth. These issues factor into our ability to trust and understand each other. And while it might seem like we are talking about a fantastical flowery environment in which we all skip through the golden fields and flowers of honesty, we’re not. Direct communication is tough, and sometimes the things we have to say to each other can be hard to say and painful to hear, yet when we think of the benefit of trust and comfort it’s beyond worth it.
Imagine not having to worry about gossipy secrets, ulterior motives, or unspoken issues. Imagine a team meeting after which there is no “meeting after the meeting.” Imagine all of the best ideas from everyone coming to the table when your team is developing new products, policies, or campaigns.
Here’s what I’m advocating for; clear and direct communication that increases the trust and efficiency of any environment. The organizational benefits include getting the best and all ideas on the table. The interpersonal benefits include always knowing where you stand, and never having to guess what the real issue is. Bottom line: Let’s just be honest and open with each other!
Al Mills is the lead consultant and founder of The Advantage Mill, a company dedicated to bringing out the best in the workplace. You can find the website at www.theadvantagemill.com.